Roasters honor Mitch Pearlstein

A Who’s Who of policymakers participate in ‘A Well-Done Roast of the Well-Seasoned Mitch Pearlstein.’

A sold-out crowd of 300 people in November attended the “Well-Done Roast of the Well-Seasoned Mitch Pearlstein,” American Experiment’s founder. Roasters included Sen. Amy Klobuchar, Sen. Rudy Boschwitz, Sen. Norm Coleman, Sen. Dave Durenberger, Gov. Tim Pawlenty, Rep. Tom Emmer, Rep. Jason Lewis, Rep. Erik Paulsen, Rep. John Kline, Peter Bell, Katherine Kersten, and Dane Smith.

Mitch at the Bat

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Gopher State that day; the electoral map stood solid blue, and no change seemed on its way. And then when Wheelock lost his race, and Ludeman did the same, a sickly silence fell upon us thinkers – could the 1990s change the game?

A many few packed for Naples in despair. The rest clung to the hope that change was in the air; they thought, if only Mitch would move to Minni from his home out East – they’d put up even money now that Mitch would tame the liberal beast.

Then from five thousand throats and more there rose a lusty yell; it rumbled across Golden Valley, it rattled in the dell; it echoed across 10,000 lakes and recoiled upon the flat, for Mitch, mighty Mitch, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Mitch’s manner as he settled into his chair; there was pride in Mitch’s bearing, and he still had all his hair. And when, responding to the cheers, he deftly touched the keys, no liberal at the Strib could doubt what was coming surely would not please.

Ten thousand words went flying as his fingers hit pay dirt; five thousand more were entered, as he spilled lunch on his shirt. And when the writhing snowflakes placed their hands against their hips, defiance gleamed in Mitch’s eye, a smile curled Mitch’s lips.

Like a blizzard the lucid writings came hurtling through the air, as the mighty Mitch sat watching in haughty grandeur there. Close by the sturdy wordsmith the tide of changed opinion sped – “That’s more my style,” said Mitch. “We agree,” the people said.

But from the panicked leftwing newsrooms there went up a muffled roar, like the pounding waves of Lake Superior on a stern and distant shore. “Silence him! Silence Mitch!” the ink-stained wretches yelled; and it’s likely they’d have silenced him had not Mitch’s courage held.

With a smile of Jewish charity, great Mitch’s visage shone; he stilled the rising tumult; he bade the debate go on; he signaled to the opposition – “there’s room for differing views.” Then back to his keyboard the great Mitch went, and out came Blueprint Two.

“Fraud!” cried the sheltered class, and echo answered fraud; but more insightful words from Mitch and the audience was awed. They saw his face go stern and cold, they heard him softly say: “Center of the American Experiment will provide a better way.”

Oh, all across this favored land the sun is shining bright; bands are playing, people are dancing and everywhere hearts are light. Men and women are laughing and happy children shout; for there is great joy in Minnesota – the ideas of Mitch Pearlstein have won out!

—Ode written and performed by Chuck Spevacek and Robin Kelleher, American Experiment board members.